Being a mom is tough, like super tough. Like hardest job I'll ever have tough. It's not just the physical demands (birthing, feeding, sleep deprivation, etc.) but it's the emotional toll it takes too. I am now responsible for another human being. That's intense.
So yesterday, I was sitting in the toy room playing with the baby that I watch. Karter was over sitting by the spot where we change him. He had picked up a pair of shorts that I had brought down in case it was too warm for pants. I watched him as he tried and tried to get these shorts on. He got them on over his head and realized it wasn't right. He tried to stick his hands through the holes and it wasn't right. He finally got his legs through but couldn't figure out how to pull them up.
I just sat there, wanting to jump up and put the shorts on for him. He was so serious and so determined to achieve his goal that it broke my heart to see him struggle with trying to figure out how they go on. I know it seems silly, but it just hit me then that this is one of the hardest things of being a mom. Watching your child struggle through trial and error, when you know just what to do, is so difficult. I don't want him to fail, but I know that I need to let him so that he can deal with failure as he grows. I won't always be there to help him put on his shorts, do his math home work or to yell at the girls who break his heart.
What I can do is to instill in him early on that when he succeeds, I love him and when he fails, I love him too. What matters is that he tries It's amazing how such everyday, simple things can teach you life lessons.
Friday, April 19, 2013
Wednesday, March 20, 2013
So Sweet...Kind Of
You know what is so sweet? Like fall in love with my husband a little bit more sweet (which makes a total of a lot a bit.) The other day he told me that when he rocks Karter before bed at night, he asks him if he wants momma to have a baby. Then they pray together (ok, Mark prays) for a baby for momma's belly. I mean, that's precious, right?
What is not so fantastic is that the reason Mark shared this fact with me is because Karter is now constantly pointing at my belly and saying "baby." This would be great, except for the fact that my reproductive system sucks at life (well it sucks at creating life.)
The moral of the story is...don't trust my 19 month old if you hear him saying there is a baby in momma's belly. There isn't. Yet.
What is not so fantastic is that the reason Mark shared this fact with me is because Karter is now constantly pointing at my belly and saying "baby." This would be great, except for the fact that my reproductive system sucks at life (well it sucks at creating life.)
The moral of the story is...don't trust my 19 month old if you hear him saying there is a baby in momma's belly. There isn't. Yet.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Performance Review
I've said it before and I will say it again, I am so blessed to be able to stay at home with Karter. I can't imagine trading this time with him for any amount of money, possessions or hours of sleep. Can it get monotonous? Sure. But it's so worth it.
Today as we were playing, I was thinking to myself how I haven't had to have a performance review for a job in a year and a half. Mentally, I started reviewing myself in my role as a mother. There were areas that definitely need improving (but who doesn't, right?) but I tried to focus on my strengths. I decided that there was one area that I would get an A+ on, and that's loving him.
I love him so much that words wouldn't do it justice to try and describe. I must tell him 500 times a day how much I love him and follow each of these with a kiss (mixed with a little snot, on his end at least.) If I do one thing for him as a mother, I want him to know that I love him and I will love him unconditionally.
I may let a Happy Meal or two slip in, his pants may get covered in dog hair because I haven't vacuumed the basement stairs in forever, but he's loved and he knows it. And that's way more important.
Today as we were playing, I was thinking to myself how I haven't had to have a performance review for a job in a year and a half. Mentally, I started reviewing myself in my role as a mother. There were areas that definitely need improving (but who doesn't, right?) but I tried to focus on my strengths. I decided that there was one area that I would get an A+ on, and that's loving him.
I love him so much that words wouldn't do it justice to try and describe. I must tell him 500 times a day how much I love him and follow each of these with a kiss (mixed with a little snot, on his end at least.) If I do one thing for him as a mother, I want him to know that I love him and I will love him unconditionally.
I may let a Happy Meal or two slip in, his pants may get covered in dog hair because I haven't vacuumed the basement stairs in forever, but he's loved and he knows it. And that's way more important.
Friday, February 22, 2013
I Appreciate...
Days are getting tough here in the Gariety household. Tantrums are many and patience is few. Today, in one of Karter's nicer moments, I just looked at my little guy and my heart overflowed with love for him. So instead of focusing on his never ceasing climbing and karate kicking diaper changes, I decided to think of all the positives...
18 month old Karter, the things I appreciate about you are...
-The fact that you cleaned up the crayons you purposefully spilled all over the floor today. While this did not come without a battle, I appreciate that at only the promise of a double high five you finally gave in. I was only a slightly less appreciative when the high five went on for 10 minutes and when each one began with a running start and ended with a dive, but that's besides the point.
-Your desire to keep a clean household (well you want me to keep a clean household.) Your new favorite word is "dirt" and I'd be lying if I said I heard you utter it less than 100 times today. Yes, I see that fuzz on the floor. No, I don't want to pick it up and take it to the trash can. But after your insist upon it for several minutes, I give in and pick it up...then throw it across the room to where you can't see it (the trash can was too far.)
-Your ability to make your dad do silly things. Your second favorite word right now is "hat" and it's the only thing you care about it. If I ask you if you want daddy to come home, all you say is "hat" because you want dad to come in wearing it. There have been several nights in the last few weeks when we had to bribe you to eat your dinner by having your dad wear his knit hat at the dinner table. Tonight, after I got home from the store, your dad told me his cold got worse tonight because he was so hot while giving you a bath due to you demanding he wear his knit hat while the space heater was on. Makes me chuckle just thinking about it.
-You are just turning into such a little man. Everyday I am more amazed at who you are and what you are becoming. I knew it was inevitable that you would grow up, but now that it's starting to happen, I am trying to savor every moment. Sure, the days are tough, but I wouldn't trade these days with you for anything!
18 month old Karter, the things I appreciate about you are...
-The fact that you cleaned up the crayons you purposefully spilled all over the floor today. While this did not come without a battle, I appreciate that at only the promise of a double high five you finally gave in. I was only a slightly less appreciative when the high five went on for 10 minutes and when each one began with a running start and ended with a dive, but that's besides the point.
-Your desire to keep a clean household (well you want me to keep a clean household.) Your new favorite word is "dirt" and I'd be lying if I said I heard you utter it less than 100 times today. Yes, I see that fuzz on the floor. No, I don't want to pick it up and take it to the trash can. But after your insist upon it for several minutes, I give in and pick it up...then throw it across the room to where you can't see it (the trash can was too far.)
-Your ability to make your dad do silly things. Your second favorite word right now is "hat" and it's the only thing you care about it. If I ask you if you want daddy to come home, all you say is "hat" because you want dad to come in wearing it. There have been several nights in the last few weeks when we had to bribe you to eat your dinner by having your dad wear his knit hat at the dinner table. Tonight, after I got home from the store, your dad told me his cold got worse tonight because he was so hot while giving you a bath due to you demanding he wear his knit hat while the space heater was on. Makes me chuckle just thinking about it.
-You are just turning into such a little man. Everyday I am more amazed at who you are and what you are becoming. I knew it was inevitable that you would grow up, but now that it's starting to happen, I am trying to savor every moment. Sure, the days are tough, but I wouldn't trade these days with you for anything!
Sunday, January 20, 2013
Patience Is A Virtue I Don't Posess
Yesterday, I was lamenting to Mark about my hatred for my reproductive system and was seriously considering firing my ovaries or my uterus, or whatever it is that doesn't make babies as quickly as I want it to. You could say that Mark is the more reasonable and logical one in the relationship and he didn't really see that as an effective reaction. Mark doesn't let his disappointment over not getting pregnant right away show and his reaction is to say "I didn't pray enough for it this month. I have to do better next month." I appreciate this and the fact that he verbalizes what I think but don't necessarily say.
So anyway, we were standing in the kitchen yesterday discussing this and Mark said to me "Megan, the best things are worth the wait. We had to wait for Karter and he brings me so much joy." Those words melted my heart. As I looked over at my baby boy dragging around my clean rolling pin on my very dirty floors, I knew what Mark said was true. My heart overflows with joy every time I look at him (even though my current view of him is on the video monitor refusing his nap for the second time in two days.) I could not picture a more perfect boy for us nor could I imagine loving something as much as I love him.
I may not understand God's timing or want it to be that way in the moment, but looking back I always recognize that it is for my own good that God works the way He does. I may never get to be pregnant again (ok, that's a little Debbie Downerish after only 4 months) but I have a little man that brings me so much joy already and that's enough for me.
So anyway, we were standing in the kitchen yesterday discussing this and Mark said to me "Megan, the best things are worth the wait. We had to wait for Karter and he brings me so much joy." Those words melted my heart. As I looked over at my baby boy dragging around my clean rolling pin on my very dirty floors, I knew what Mark said was true. My heart overflows with joy every time I look at him (even though my current view of him is on the video monitor refusing his nap for the second time in two days.) I could not picture a more perfect boy for us nor could I imagine loving something as much as I love him.
I may not understand God's timing or want it to be that way in the moment, but looking back I always recognize that it is for my own good that God works the way He does. I may never get to be pregnant again (ok, that's a little Debbie Downerish after only 4 months) but I have a little man that brings me so much joy already and that's enough for me.
Wednesday, January 9, 2013
The 7 Wonders of Toddlerhood
Today, as I was watching Karter run around like a crazy man in the basement, I thought about how my life has changed since having him. You could say it's been overtaken by a 17 month old that is more stubborn than me, more determined than me and a lot cuter than me. As I watched him standing on the DVR player turning on and off the TV, I realized that there's no need for me to see the 7 Wonders of the World, because I've got the 7 Wonders of Toddlerhood right here in my house (and anyway, we're never traveling outside a 6 hour driving radius again!)
The 7 Wonders of Toddlerhood (at least in this house)
The Wonder of the Dish Rag. Maybe Karter is really dirty or maybe I'm a terrible laundrist (is that a word?) but there is nothing more rank than the smell of the dish rag that I wipe his face with. Everytime I step into the kitchen, I am overwhelmed by this terrible smell. I usually check the compost buckets to see if that is the origin and it never is. It's always his dish rag. I mean, it's not like I don't change them out daily (ok, every other day) or never rinse them off. They just smell. Terribly.
The Wonder of the Iron Belly. Karter starts the day with a regular sized belly, but come bedtime it is sticking way over his pants and hard as a rock. It's likely that if you ran into it, it would bruise you. From what I've heard, this isn't totally abnormal...it's just shocking to see and feel. Sure, when I eat a lot I can see my belly grow, but this is on a totally different level. It's like he has a steel plate inside him that only comes out at night to protect what he has eaten during the day. Freaky.
The Wonder of Simplicity. Silly me, I thought Karter "needed" toys for Christmas. In actuality, I could have wrapped him up a mixing spoon, pen and an electrical outlet cover and he would have been happy. The child has a toy room on every floor and rarely touches anything in it. I need to realize that he doesn't "need" anything in the form of materialistic things and I need to stop making him feel that he does.
The Wonder of the Laundry Basket. I feel like his laundry basket is always full. How does one acquire so much laundry? I mean, we're past the stage where he is pooping on every outfit. I do more of his laundry than Mark and I's combined. Then it hits me. I have different standards of hygiene for him than I do for myself. Mark and I will wear the same thing to bed several nights in a row, but if Karter so much as sweats in his pj's I demand a new pair for the next night. And I'm not going to lie, Mark and I will sweat in the same set of sheets for at least a month before I wash them...but as soon as baby boogers hit Karter's sheets I am ripping them off and putting them in the laundry. This would all be well and good if only there was someone to put the clean laundry away...
The Wonder of Momma's Plate. Apparently, food tastes better if is comes off of my plate and my utensils. We gave Karter some cooked carrots tonight in his bowl and he refused to eat them. As soon as he saw some on mine, he wanted them...with my fork. So being the fool that I am, I gave him my fork (when he had a perfectly good Karter sized one on his plate) and I ate with my hands. True story.
The Wonder of The Climb. I've realized within the last few weeks that it is a shame that I have anything in my house that is higher than 4 inches off the ground. I'm pretty sure that Karter carries a tape measure in his pocket and goes around finding things that are high enough that if he stands on it that I will freak. And it's working. Yesterday, he started standing on the toy box. He only had one fall, but it was enough to scar me for awhile.
The Wonder of the Trash Can. For some reason, as soon as I throw something away, it's value multiplies astronomically. Or at least that is what I tell myself every time Karter digs something out that I have thrown away (which is all the time.) I can't even tell you how many times I have walked in on him blowing his nose on a used tissue from the trash can (I just threw up a little in my mouth picturing this.) It's gross. Super gross. Well, not as gross as when he takes my used straws out of the trash can and licks them...
I guess really, the biggest wonder of them all is that after a day filled with all this, I love him even more than I did the day before. We can have the most frustrating, tantrum filled day but as soon as I realize I have to be without him for the next 12 hours, my heart aches for him. But then I think about all the good tv I can get caught up on, and it doesn't ache so much...
The 7 Wonders of Toddlerhood (at least in this house)
The Wonder of the Dish Rag. Maybe Karter is really dirty or maybe I'm a terrible laundrist (is that a word?) but there is nothing more rank than the smell of the dish rag that I wipe his face with. Everytime I step into the kitchen, I am overwhelmed by this terrible smell. I usually check the compost buckets to see if that is the origin and it never is. It's always his dish rag. I mean, it's not like I don't change them out daily (ok, every other day) or never rinse them off. They just smell. Terribly.
The Wonder of the Iron Belly. Karter starts the day with a regular sized belly, but come bedtime it is sticking way over his pants and hard as a rock. It's likely that if you ran into it, it would bruise you. From what I've heard, this isn't totally abnormal...it's just shocking to see and feel. Sure, when I eat a lot I can see my belly grow, but this is on a totally different level. It's like he has a steel plate inside him that only comes out at night to protect what he has eaten during the day. Freaky.
The Wonder of Simplicity. Silly me, I thought Karter "needed" toys for Christmas. In actuality, I could have wrapped him up a mixing spoon, pen and an electrical outlet cover and he would have been happy. The child has a toy room on every floor and rarely touches anything in it. I need to realize that he doesn't "need" anything in the form of materialistic things and I need to stop making him feel that he does.
The Wonder of the Laundry Basket. I feel like his laundry basket is always full. How does one acquire so much laundry? I mean, we're past the stage where he is pooping on every outfit. I do more of his laundry than Mark and I's combined. Then it hits me. I have different standards of hygiene for him than I do for myself. Mark and I will wear the same thing to bed several nights in a row, but if Karter so much as sweats in his pj's I demand a new pair for the next night. And I'm not going to lie, Mark and I will sweat in the same set of sheets for at least a month before I wash them...but as soon as baby boogers hit Karter's sheets I am ripping them off and putting them in the laundry. This would all be well and good if only there was someone to put the clean laundry away...
The Wonder of Momma's Plate. Apparently, food tastes better if is comes off of my plate and my utensils. We gave Karter some cooked carrots tonight in his bowl and he refused to eat them. As soon as he saw some on mine, he wanted them...with my fork. So being the fool that I am, I gave him my fork (when he had a perfectly good Karter sized one on his plate) and I ate with my hands. True story.
The Wonder of The Climb. I've realized within the last few weeks that it is a shame that I have anything in my house that is higher than 4 inches off the ground. I'm pretty sure that Karter carries a tape measure in his pocket and goes around finding things that are high enough that if he stands on it that I will freak. And it's working. Yesterday, he started standing on the toy box. He only had one fall, but it was enough to scar me for awhile.
The Wonder of the Trash Can. For some reason, as soon as I throw something away, it's value multiplies astronomically. Or at least that is what I tell myself every time Karter digs something out that I have thrown away (which is all the time.) I can't even tell you how many times I have walked in on him blowing his nose on a used tissue from the trash can (I just threw up a little in my mouth picturing this.) It's gross. Super gross. Well, not as gross as when he takes my used straws out of the trash can and licks them...
I guess really, the biggest wonder of them all is that after a day filled with all this, I love him even more than I did the day before. We can have the most frustrating, tantrum filled day but as soon as I realize I have to be without him for the next 12 hours, my heart aches for him. But then I think about all the good tv I can get caught up on, and it doesn't ache so much...
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Doing It All Backwards
For the last 11 days, Mark and I have been off work for Christmas
Break. It's been wonderful, minus the stomach flu that plagued us
both. I love having him home and I think that Karter loves having us
both around even if he does go around shouting "mum mum" if I am not
within 5 feet of him. Mark goes back to work tomorrow and I start
watching kids again, and while we both love what we do, I will miss
having him around (and not just so I can trick him into unloading the
dishwasher.)
Today, as I was watching Karter mimic Mark as he was working on the spare bedroom, I just wished that we could reverse the order of things. Why can't we be "retired" when we are younger, with young children we want to spend time with, with spouses we still like (well, I will probably like Mark for the next 387839 years)? Why can't we enter the workforce when our kids are off in college or starting their own families.
I mean sure, this isn't the most ideal situation. Having 60 and 70 year olds doing work meant for young bodies probably isn't realistic. But I wish there was another way to have more time for family and less for work. Winning the lottery? Getting my own reality show? Ok, so those probably aren't very realistic either.
I suppose since it's not likely that Mark will find a position that requires him to work 20 hours for the same amount of pay, it's up to us to make the most of the time we have together. I thought Mark was on board with my retire when you're young idea too, but after he was with a temper-tantrum-throwing Karter for most of the day, I think he was excited our break was coming to an end tomorrow...
Today, as I was watching Karter mimic Mark as he was working on the spare bedroom, I just wished that we could reverse the order of things. Why can't we be "retired" when we are younger, with young children we want to spend time with, with spouses we still like (well, I will probably like Mark for the next 387839 years)? Why can't we enter the workforce when our kids are off in college or starting their own families.
I mean sure, this isn't the most ideal situation. Having 60 and 70 year olds doing work meant for young bodies probably isn't realistic. But I wish there was another way to have more time for family and less for work. Winning the lottery? Getting my own reality show? Ok, so those probably aren't very realistic either.
I suppose since it's not likely that Mark will find a position that requires him to work 20 hours for the same amount of pay, it's up to us to make the most of the time we have together. I thought Mark was on board with my retire when you're young idea too, but after he was with a temper-tantrum-throwing Karter for most of the day, I think he was excited our break was coming to an end tomorrow...
Monday, December 3, 2012
Oh, Mary
I can't even tell you how many times I have put up or seen a nativity scene in my life, but it's safe to say that it's at least 897. So it was strange to me to feel such emotion putting it up this year. Last Christmas, Mark's parents gave Karter a Little People nativity scene. We finally got it out and put it together this year and he was so excited by it's contents (actually, he finds joy in sending the angels flying off the roof of the manger.)
I on the otherhand, felt sadness for Mary as I looked at her Little People self standing there next to baby Jesus (before she got launched under the couch.) My heart was heavy for her (I guess there is something about Little People that evokes emotion in me) as I imagined her on the day that she gave birth to her beautiful baby boy. What joy she must have felt as she held him in her arms for the first time...but in that same moment did she feel any sadness or fear? I mean, God chose her to be the mother of Jesus so I would gather she was well versed in scripture. Which would mean she knew the prophecies as to what would happen to her son. I can't even imagine.
I have so many fears and worries about what will happen to Karter in his life. How would I react if I knew what would happen to him, how his life would end? I don't know if I could handle it. I would probably cradle him in my arms each day and never let him go (which isn't too far off from our daily routine now-his choice, not mine.) Which is probably why God chose Mary to be the mother of Jesus and not me.
So while I always hold dear the true meaning of Christmas, this year I remember Mary and the inner emotional struggle she must have gone through so many Christmas's ago. Oh, Mary.
I on the otherhand, felt sadness for Mary as I looked at her Little People self standing there next to baby Jesus (before she got launched under the couch.) My heart was heavy for her (I guess there is something about Little People that evokes emotion in me) as I imagined her on the day that she gave birth to her beautiful baby boy. What joy she must have felt as she held him in her arms for the first time...but in that same moment did she feel any sadness or fear? I mean, God chose her to be the mother of Jesus so I would gather she was well versed in scripture. Which would mean she knew the prophecies as to what would happen to her son. I can't even imagine.
I have so many fears and worries about what will happen to Karter in his life. How would I react if I knew what would happen to him, how his life would end? I don't know if I could handle it. I would probably cradle him in my arms each day and never let him go (which isn't too far off from our daily routine now-his choice, not mine.) Which is probably why God chose Mary to be the mother of Jesus and not me.
So while I always hold dear the true meaning of Christmas, this year I remember Mary and the inner emotional struggle she must have gone through so many Christmas's ago. Oh, Mary.
Thursday, November 15, 2012
Uterus Frustrations
So here's the thing, Mark and decided in September that we were going to actively try for another baby. It's November and I am already discouraged. I mean, realistically, did I really think it would happen in the first two months of trying? No. Kind of realistically, did I already have my grand reveal plan for the Christmas family gatherings? Yes.
I guess what I dread most is that it will take as long as it took with Karter to get pregnant. That was a lot of negative pregnancy tests, a lot of doctors appointments and a LOT of blood drawn. I'm hoping to not have to do all of that this time because I was really getting too friendly with the lab techs at CompuNet.
I ultimately know that God's timing is much wiser and grander than my own. While I think I NEED a baby now, God's probably like: "Hey girl, remember all those sleepless nights you whined about before? Enjoy these 11.5 hrs of peace and quiet now while you can." I know, looking back, that even though I wanted Karter after one month of trying, God knew exactly when to send him to us. So, while technically I'm being impatient, I know God's got this and I'm ok with that (but it would be totally awesome if He could just tell me when I'll get pregnant so I don't get my hopes up each month.)
Hopefully, I will soon be posting a picture letting the facebook world know that there is a baby in my belly (seriously, I have the greatest idea ever and I didn't even Pinterest it.) Until then, I am gladly taking donations of pregnancy tests because I don't think Mark will allow me to buy anymore (so I might be kind of obsessed...)
I guess what I dread most is that it will take as long as it took with Karter to get pregnant. That was a lot of negative pregnancy tests, a lot of doctors appointments and a LOT of blood drawn. I'm hoping to not have to do all of that this time because I was really getting too friendly with the lab techs at CompuNet.
I ultimately know that God's timing is much wiser and grander than my own. While I think I NEED a baby now, God's probably like: "Hey girl, remember all those sleepless nights you whined about before? Enjoy these 11.5 hrs of peace and quiet now while you can." I know, looking back, that even though I wanted Karter after one month of trying, God knew exactly when to send him to us. So, while technically I'm being impatient, I know God's got this and I'm ok with that (but it would be totally awesome if He could just tell me when I'll get pregnant so I don't get my hopes up each month.)
Hopefully, I will soon be posting a picture letting the facebook world know that there is a baby in my belly (seriously, I have the greatest idea ever and I didn't even Pinterest it.) Until then, I am gladly taking donations of pregnancy tests because I don't think Mark will allow me to buy anymore (so I might be kind of obsessed...)
Thursday, November 8, 2012
Who's in Control?
Obviously not me. We joke that Karter rules this house and it's
basically true. Sure, he has boundaries and I tell him "no" several
times a day (whether he listens is entirely different) but when it comes
down to it, if something isn't going to cause harm or years of therapy,
I'll give in.
Last night, for example, the little prince was in full force. Mark was out of town, so Karter decided that he would keep me busy. After scarfing down a big meal, he got out of his chair and stood at the pantry and whined. Now, sometimes I worry he is not getting enough to eat (I know that's comical when you look at his belly...and he does always have a bowl of food in his hand), but last night I knew that wasn't the case and I knew what he wanted. Goldfish. I have been trying to hide from him the knowledge of this snack, but Grammie brought him some this weekend. Ever since, he's been standing at the pantry several times a day whining for them.
I decided to give in last night. I mean, what's a few goldfish before bedtime? I got him a handful and asked if he wanted to eat them on the couch and he politely agreed. Once on the couch, the little prince decided he needed to be covered up. He grunted and pointed until I covered him up with a blanket. It was like I was living a freaking "If you give a mouse a cookie" book. As he was laying there cozy underneath the blanket as I handed him goldfish, he demanded that I turn on the tv (though he doesn't watch it, he just likes to know he can make me turn it on.) So there I was, sitting next to my 1 year old, who was cuddled under MY blanket on the couch, being his human snack bowl with my hand filled with goldfish...and it was there that I was reminded that my life will never be the same. My priorities, everything, has changed. In the best way possible. Evenings like this are how I want to spend my evenings. Even if it means, I'm being bossed around by a 1 year old.
Last night, for example, the little prince was in full force. Mark was out of town, so Karter decided that he would keep me busy. After scarfing down a big meal, he got out of his chair and stood at the pantry and whined. Now, sometimes I worry he is not getting enough to eat (I know that's comical when you look at his belly...and he does always have a bowl of food in his hand), but last night I knew that wasn't the case and I knew what he wanted. Goldfish. I have been trying to hide from him the knowledge of this snack, but Grammie brought him some this weekend. Ever since, he's been standing at the pantry several times a day whining for them.
I decided to give in last night. I mean, what's a few goldfish before bedtime? I got him a handful and asked if he wanted to eat them on the couch and he politely agreed. Once on the couch, the little prince decided he needed to be covered up. He grunted and pointed until I covered him up with a blanket. It was like I was living a freaking "If you give a mouse a cookie" book. As he was laying there cozy underneath the blanket as I handed him goldfish, he demanded that I turn on the tv (though he doesn't watch it, he just likes to know he can make me turn it on.) So there I was, sitting next to my 1 year old, who was cuddled under MY blanket on the couch, being his human snack bowl with my hand filled with goldfish...and it was there that I was reminded that my life will never be the same. My priorities, everything, has changed. In the best way possible. Evenings like this are how I want to spend my evenings. Even if it means, I'm being bossed around by a 1 year old.
Monday, October 22, 2012
My Heart Just Threw Up A Little
This past weekend, Mark and I enjoyed a date night, i.e. sitting through an entire church service together followed by dinner and ice cream. As we were discussing our adorable baby over sub par blizzards (pumpkin pie, not worth it), I told Mark that it feels like I love Karter so much that my heart is throwing up a little. For some reason, this is not how he described how he felt about Karter, but whatev.
But seriously, I'm pretty sure there is no better way to describe it. It's amazing how something so little creates such a big emotion in me. He makes my heart swell with so much pride, joy and affection. Yes, even when he is up at 6am.
It seems like everyday he is discovering something new (unfortunately, today it was the corner of the fireplace.) Each day I think "this is my new favorite thing he does" only to replace it with something even more adorable the next day. Although I'm not sure anything can beat the cuteness of him running into my arms giggling. Or his cute little baby voice. Or him yelling "baaa" when you ask what the cow says. Or his...well, you get the point.
So the moral of the story is I'm crazy about my child. I love him so much...so much so that I don't even mind he's making my heart throw up.
But seriously, I'm pretty sure there is no better way to describe it. It's amazing how something so little creates such a big emotion in me. He makes my heart swell with so much pride, joy and affection. Yes, even when he is up at 6am.
It seems like everyday he is discovering something new (unfortunately, today it was the corner of the fireplace.) Each day I think "this is my new favorite thing he does" only to replace it with something even more adorable the next day. Although I'm not sure anything can beat the cuteness of him running into my arms giggling. Or his cute little baby voice. Or him yelling "baaa" when you ask what the cow says. Or his...well, you get the point.
So the moral of the story is I'm crazy about my child. I love him so much...so much so that I don't even mind he's making my heart throw up.
Thursday, October 18, 2012
Career Choice
As I watched Karter create havoc play today, I began to think about what he may want to be when he grows up. I mean, obviously I will love him no matter what he chooses, but I couldn't help but start to formulate some ideas as to what profession he may go into (hopefully something that will make him millions and allow us to retire early.) So, just in case he is struggling when he graduates high school/college because he's not sure what to do, here are some ideas he can look back upon:
-Demolition Man: He loves to destroy things. If blocks are piled up higher than one, he has to run over and knock them down. This often causes a problem when the kids I watch are trying to build, because Karter's main mission is to destroy.
-Professional Baseball Player: I don't think I am biased, this kid has an arm. Mark and I had a talk the other day about whether or not we should teach him to roll balls in the house instead of throw because he has such a powerful throw but then we decided not to quench his talent. So what if it costs us a flat screen tv?
-A Librarian: This child loves books. Loves them. That's probably because his grammie bought him 2857498794375 books. I think he probably spent about 2 hours today reading books (not all together, of course.) He sits down alone and reads stories out loud to himself. Kind of adorable.
-Professional Eater: He could eat all day long. If he's not running over to the pantry getting out the graham crackers and capri suns, then he is constantly signing "more." It's ridiculous. By the end of the day his belly is so hard and bulging out because he has had 10 meals. Sometimes I think he eats more than I do (unfortunately I have the same belly problem as he does, though.)
-Olympic Swimmer: We have laminate floors in the kitchen/dining/hall area and one of his new favorite things to do is to lay down on his belly and swim across them. He just slides all over them, which is disgusting considering the last time I mopped them. I might just put a Swiffer cloth on his belly next time...why not kill two birds with one stone?
-Demolition Man: He loves to destroy things. If blocks are piled up higher than one, he has to run over and knock them down. This often causes a problem when the kids I watch are trying to build, because Karter's main mission is to destroy.
-Professional Baseball Player: I don't think I am biased, this kid has an arm. Mark and I had a talk the other day about whether or not we should teach him to roll balls in the house instead of throw because he has such a powerful throw but then we decided not to quench his talent. So what if it costs us a flat screen tv?
-A Librarian: This child loves books. Loves them. That's probably because his grammie bought him 2857498794375 books. I think he probably spent about 2 hours today reading books (not all together, of course.) He sits down alone and reads stories out loud to himself. Kind of adorable.
-Professional Eater: He could eat all day long. If he's not running over to the pantry getting out the graham crackers and capri suns, then he is constantly signing "more." It's ridiculous. By the end of the day his belly is so hard and bulging out because he has had 10 meals. Sometimes I think he eats more than I do (unfortunately I have the same belly problem as he does, though.)
-Olympic Swimmer: We have laminate floors in the kitchen/dining/hall area and one of his new favorite things to do is to lay down on his belly and swim across them. He just slides all over them, which is disgusting considering the last time I mopped them. I might just put a Swiffer cloth on his belly next time...why not kill two birds with one stone?
Sunday, October 7, 2012
Be Careful
Ever notice that you have an overused phrase or word? A few of my overused ones are adding an extra "like" where it doesn't belong and assuring people that "it will change your life." Another one to add to my list? "Be careful." Karter is now running through life, literally, and climbing anything he can find. I must tell him to "be careful" at least 39578 times a day. For example:
Be careful as you climb on top of your riding tractor.
Be careful as you stuff the entire grilled cheese sandwich into your mouth at once.
Be careful as you are chewing on that straw that you just dug out of the trash can.
There's a good chance that he does not heed my warning because he hears it so much. I don't know what it is, but it just makes me feel better to say these words. I know that these words will not catch him when he falls or perform the Heimlich on him when he chokes on his grilled cheese, but they make me feel like I have some sort of control over the situation. Life with a toddler lacks control, and if the only way that I feel that I can take control is to utter this phrase, then you can bet he will here it 39578 more times tomorrow!
Be careful as you climb on top of your riding tractor.
Be careful as you stuff the entire grilled cheese sandwich into your mouth at once.
Be careful as you are chewing on that straw that you just dug out of the trash can.
There's a good chance that he does not heed my warning because he hears it so much. I don't know what it is, but it just makes me feel better to say these words. I know that these words will not catch him when he falls or perform the Heimlich on him when he chokes on his grilled cheese, but they make me feel like I have some sort of control over the situation. Life with a toddler lacks control, and if the only way that I feel that I can take control is to utter this phrase, then you can bet he will here it 39578 more times tomorrow!
Sunday, September 16, 2012
My favorite thing
Whew. I'd like to blame my lack of blogging on the fact that Karter is a walking machine and a busy little guy. But in actuality, it's like due to the fact that this season of Bachelor Pad just ended and now I have more time on my hands. You decide.
A few weeks ago, I took Karter to his one year appointment. Out of the pages of paperwork I had to fill out, I remember one question..."what do you enjoy most about your child?" Much to my dismay, they only gave me a few lines to explain. It was probably a lame answer, but my genuine thought was "everything." Sure, it's not so much fun that he only takes one 30 min nap a day and yes, my abs have been getting a workout from bending over 10 times at every meal to pick up his overthrown sippy cup, but I truly enjoy everything about this stage he is in.
Obviously, I wouldn't be able to express my love for 13 month old Karter if it weren't in list form.
13 Month Old Karter, The Things I Enjoy Most About You...
- You are all boy. You are happiest when we are outside digging in the rock pile, playing ball or helping daddy with a project. You love tractors, trucks, trains...if it has wheels you love it. You are now starting to see that daddy is a little bit cooler than me (though I obviously disagree.) Seriously, though, why do you cry when I talk to you in the car, but when your dad talks to you you converse with him?
-You think you're cute when you're being "bad" (fyi-so do I.) Ever since your dad told you it was "bad" when you threw your sippy cup on the floor, now when you do something you know you shouldn't you say "bad." At every meal time, you now throw something on the floor while looking me straight in the eye, then say "bad" and then finally you look down longingly at the object as if I were the one who threw it down. And I, being the sucker that I am, pick it back up for you and then we repeat this process. Several times.
-You have quite the green thumb (and face.) Some of my favorite mental photographs of this age are our walks to the garden. Your dad walks in front with the big tools, I walk behind him with the smaller tools, and you walk behind me with a little shovel. We walk along in a line of decreasing shortness out to the garden, where you usually find a green tomato and bite into it. You usually decide you don't like it (except for today when you took a bite, spit it out into the freshly cut grass and then picked it back up and ate it) and throw it over the fence to Katrina. It's kind of adorable.
-Your hugs and cuddles. Though you are growing up (too quickly if you ask me), you still love me. You love to back yourself up so that you land in my lap, where I smother you with hugs and kisses. And I have now figured out that if you refuse me a kiss, if I fake cry, you'll change your mind.
I feel like for the last 4-5 months I keep saying to myself "I love this stage, I wish I could bottle this Karter up forever", but each month keeps getting better. Let's hope I can continue to say this through the age of 2...
A few weeks ago, I took Karter to his one year appointment. Out of the pages of paperwork I had to fill out, I remember one question..."what do you enjoy most about your child?" Much to my dismay, they only gave me a few lines to explain. It was probably a lame answer, but my genuine thought was "everything." Sure, it's not so much fun that he only takes one 30 min nap a day and yes, my abs have been getting a workout from bending over 10 times at every meal to pick up his overthrown sippy cup, but I truly enjoy everything about this stage he is in.
Obviously, I wouldn't be able to express my love for 13 month old Karter if it weren't in list form.
13 Month Old Karter, The Things I Enjoy Most About You...
- You are all boy. You are happiest when we are outside digging in the rock pile, playing ball or helping daddy with a project. You love tractors, trucks, trains...if it has wheels you love it. You are now starting to see that daddy is a little bit cooler than me (though I obviously disagree.) Seriously, though, why do you cry when I talk to you in the car, but when your dad talks to you you converse with him?
-You think you're cute when you're being "bad" (fyi-so do I.) Ever since your dad told you it was "bad" when you threw your sippy cup on the floor, now when you do something you know you shouldn't you say "bad." At every meal time, you now throw something on the floor while looking me straight in the eye, then say "bad" and then finally you look down longingly at the object as if I were the one who threw it down. And I, being the sucker that I am, pick it back up for you and then we repeat this process. Several times.
-You have quite the green thumb (and face.) Some of my favorite mental photographs of this age are our walks to the garden. Your dad walks in front with the big tools, I walk behind him with the smaller tools, and you walk behind me with a little shovel. We walk along in a line of decreasing shortness out to the garden, where you usually find a green tomato and bite into it. You usually decide you don't like it (except for today when you took a bite, spit it out into the freshly cut grass and then picked it back up and ate it) and throw it over the fence to Katrina. It's kind of adorable.
-Your hugs and cuddles. Though you are growing up (too quickly if you ask me), you still love me. You love to back yourself up so that you land in my lap, where I smother you with hugs and kisses. And I have now figured out that if you refuse me a kiss, if I fake cry, you'll change your mind.
I feel like for the last 4-5 months I keep saying to myself "I love this stage, I wish I could bottle this Karter up forever", but each month keeps getting better. Let's hope I can continue to say this through the age of 2...
Monday, August 13, 2012
Happy First Birthday, Baby
Dear little baby toddler Karter.
So today is your first birthday. Can you believe it? Just 366 days ago you were still in my belly kicking around like it was your first jungle gym. Now you are a walking, talking real boy. Who would have thought, at 3 am in your first weeks of life, that this time would go by so fast? Sometimes I am afraid I didn't soak up every moment that I could of you this first year. You are no longer a baby, you are on your way to toddler hood, and I'm not sure I can handle it. Your grammie gave me a book for Mother's Day called "If I Could Keep You Little" and it's the story of my life. I just want you to be little forever, but know it's my job as a mom to guide and watch you as your grow.
Consider this letter a reminder of all that you have meant to me this first year.
You are...
-an answer to a prayer. "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27. This verse is so true. We prayed so hard that one day we would have you, and here you are! After a year of negative pregnancy tests, you were a positive-just the baby that God picked out for us.
-a miracle. I had worried during the first trimester that something would happen (hence the paper chain countdown I made until it was over), never thinking that I had much to worry about after that. Wrong. In case I haven't told you a million times what a miracle you are, you can read your birth story here.
-a lesson in unconditional love. I will never not love you. Even when you throw all of your dinner on the floor, bite me numerous times in the same spot or wake me up in the middle of the night for no reason, I will still love you more every day. There is not a decision you can make in life that will make me not love you. Oh, I may not agree with them all, but I will love you and support you in all your walks of life. Though I thought I had an idea of what God's love for us was like, now that I have had you, I have such a greater appreciation for His unconditional love.
-what I was made for. I have always wanted to be a mother. Always. Thank you for giving me that chance. I may make mistakes and may let you down sometimes (like when I won't let you date until you are like 28), but always know that I wouldn't trade being your mom for anything in the world. Not even a Hot Now from Krispy Kreme (and that's saying a lot.)
-a reminder of the simpler things. It's amazing to see how much joy an empty container of sour cream can bring you. When you hear me say "outside" you get so excited and kick your feet as if you had just won the baby lottery. You remind me that life isn't about things, it's about living in the moment and making the most of it.
-so much more than I can put into words. At times, this first year has been hard, trying and a learning experience. But it was worth it. So worth it.
I've loved seeing you grow and change this first year, little K bug. I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for us (crossing my fingers that it includes a lot of sleep.)
Love you more each day,
Your Momma
So today is your first birthday. Can you believe it? Just 366 days ago you were still in my belly kicking around like it was your first jungle gym. Now you are a walking, talking real boy. Who would have thought, at 3 am in your first weeks of life, that this time would go by so fast? Sometimes I am afraid I didn't soak up every moment that I could of you this first year. You are no longer a baby, you are on your way to toddler hood, and I'm not sure I can handle it. Your grammie gave me a book for Mother's Day called "If I Could Keep You Little" and it's the story of my life. I just want you to be little forever, but know it's my job as a mom to guide and watch you as your grow.
Consider this letter a reminder of all that you have meant to me this first year.
You are...
-an answer to a prayer. "I prayed for this child, and the LORD has granted me what I asked of him." 1 Samuel 1:27. This verse is so true. We prayed so hard that one day we would have you, and here you are! After a year of negative pregnancy tests, you were a positive-just the baby that God picked out for us.
-a miracle. I had worried during the first trimester that something would happen (hence the paper chain countdown I made until it was over), never thinking that I had much to worry about after that. Wrong. In case I haven't told you a million times what a miracle you are, you can read your birth story here.
-a lesson in unconditional love. I will never not love you. Even when you throw all of your dinner on the floor, bite me numerous times in the same spot or wake me up in the middle of the night for no reason, I will still love you more every day. There is not a decision you can make in life that will make me not love you. Oh, I may not agree with them all, but I will love you and support you in all your walks of life. Though I thought I had an idea of what God's love for us was like, now that I have had you, I have such a greater appreciation for His unconditional love.
-what I was made for. I have always wanted to be a mother. Always. Thank you for giving me that chance. I may make mistakes and may let you down sometimes (like when I won't let you date until you are like 28), but always know that I wouldn't trade being your mom for anything in the world. Not even a Hot Now from Krispy Kreme (and that's saying a lot.)
-a reminder of the simpler things. It's amazing to see how much joy an empty container of sour cream can bring you. When you hear me say "outside" you get so excited and kick your feet as if you had just won the baby lottery. You remind me that life isn't about things, it's about living in the moment and making the most of it.
-so much more than I can put into words. At times, this first year has been hard, trying and a learning experience. But it was worth it. So worth it.
I've loved seeing you grow and change this first year, little K bug. I can't wait to see what this next year has in store for us (crossing my fingers that it includes a lot of sleep.)
Love you more each day,
Your Momma
Wednesday, August 8, 2012
The Dilemna
Sometimes I think maybe I over think things. Or I just worry that I will make a wrong choice which will negatively affect Karter and he will end up on a therapist's couch one day reminiscing about his rough childhood (I mean, today I only gave him 2 crackers when he was clearly signing "more".) Whatever it may be, I've been thinking about something for awhile and trying to decide what the right choice is...it's not really a big thing, but it's been weighing on my mind.
As a stay at home mom, I am blessed with the opportunity to be with Karter 99.9% of his waking hours (along with the other kids I watch.) I love being able to be with him all day and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. To me, the pros of being a stay at home mom outweigh the cons of it, but sometimes I do worry that he will be 15 and still hanging on to my leg when someone new comes over.
I just feel this inner conflict of guilt sometimes that since I am home with him, he deserves every second of my time playing and engaging him in activities because it's my job...while the other part of me feels like I am doing him a disservice by not promoting independent play. Sure, there are times that he goes off and plays on his own, but probably not enough. But I just feel like a bad mom if I step away from him, wanting him to drive the trucks on his own.
To make matters worse, I can't complete any household chores even if I can step away...if he hears the dishwasher open, he rushes over to it to climb; if he hears me in the laundry room., he runs over to open and shut the door and if I try to sweep, he comes over and messes up my pile. So what am I left to do for the few minutes he plays on his own? Facebook. I mean, I guess I could take up knitting again, but there's a good chance he would just come over and unravel what I had accomplished.
So maybe I am just making a mountain out of a mole hill (seriously, who uses that phrase??) but it's been weighing on my mind. It seems like a lose-lose...he plays independently and I have guilty feelings of being a subpar mom or I play with him constantly and he never learns independence. Perhaps I just need to change my mindset and view it as a win win...he plays independently and I have a chance to broaden my vocabulary with Words with Friends. Yes, that seems like a better perspective.
As a stay at home mom, I am blessed with the opportunity to be with Karter 99.9% of his waking hours (along with the other kids I watch.) I love being able to be with him all day and wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. To me, the pros of being a stay at home mom outweigh the cons of it, but sometimes I do worry that he will be 15 and still hanging on to my leg when someone new comes over.
I just feel this inner conflict of guilt sometimes that since I am home with him, he deserves every second of my time playing and engaging him in activities because it's my job...while the other part of me feels like I am doing him a disservice by not promoting independent play. Sure, there are times that he goes off and plays on his own, but probably not enough. But I just feel like a bad mom if I step away from him, wanting him to drive the trucks on his own.
To make matters worse, I can't complete any household chores even if I can step away...if he hears the dishwasher open, he rushes over to it to climb; if he hears me in the laundry room., he runs over to open and shut the door and if I try to sweep, he comes over and messes up my pile. So what am I left to do for the few minutes he plays on his own? Facebook. I mean, I guess I could take up knitting again, but there's a good chance he would just come over and unravel what I had accomplished.
So maybe I am just making a mountain out of a mole hill (seriously, who uses that phrase??) but it's been weighing on my mind. It seems like a lose-lose...he plays independently and I have guilty feelings of being a subpar mom or I play with him constantly and he never learns independence. Perhaps I just need to change my mindset and view it as a win win...he plays independently and I have a chance to broaden my vocabulary with Words with Friends. Yes, that seems like a better perspective.
Thursday, August 2, 2012
The Haircut
What I am about to say may shock you, disappoint you or disgust you: Kendra Wilkinson Baskett (or whatever name she goes by) was right about something (let's emphasize, one thing, she was only right about one thing.) I remember, on the one (lie) episode I watched, she was a mess about the thought of getting her child's hair cut. She didn't want it cut and thought of it as he was losing the hair that he had while in her belly. At the time, I thought she was being ridiculous, as her child looked like a chia pet was growing on his head, but now I get it. Totally get it.
Mark has been on my case about cutting Karter's hair from about 5-6 months. As soon as Karter started to sport curls, Mark thought it was time to cut it off. I, on the other hand, loved his curls. They were like his trademark. What would Karter be without his curls? Would he lose his baby super powers like Samson? Most importantly, in a time when he is becoming more like a little boy every day, would this hair cut make him look like a little boy instead of a baby?
I finally gave in today. I mean, I couldn't pass up a free hair cut at JCP. So I called this morning and made my appointment. I felt like I was going into it prepared, I had suckers for him and was going to have him sit in my lap. We get to JCP and I then realize that I am not prepared in the slightest (I forgot the camera and a bag to take hair home in.) I suppose Karter sensed this and decided to scream and flop around. The hairdresser looked at me helplessly and Mark and I admitted defeat. We packed up our stuff and headed out with the unlicked sucker and crying baby. No joke, as soon as we stepped out of there, he took the sucker and happily licked it all the way home (and by happily licked I mean he got it nice and gooey and then rubbed it everywhere.)
By the time we got home, I was deadset on cutting this child's hair. We strapped him into his high chair, gave him some cheese, got the clippers out and buzzed away. What's funny, is that I thought it would be so much more traumatic than it really was. I was fine. Completely fine. Sure, it made him look a little older, but he is getting older. I can't stop it, I just have to deal with it.
His first haircut may not have gone as I planned (I wanted it to be a big production), but I can not apply sunscreen to him without it getting stuck in his hair creating knots. What more could I ask for?
Mark has been on my case about cutting Karter's hair from about 5-6 months. As soon as Karter started to sport curls, Mark thought it was time to cut it off. I, on the other hand, loved his curls. They were like his trademark. What would Karter be without his curls? Would he lose his baby super powers like Samson? Most importantly, in a time when he is becoming more like a little boy every day, would this hair cut make him look like a little boy instead of a baby?
I finally gave in today. I mean, I couldn't pass up a free hair cut at JCP. So I called this morning and made my appointment. I felt like I was going into it prepared, I had suckers for him and was going to have him sit in my lap. We get to JCP and I then realize that I am not prepared in the slightest (I forgot the camera and a bag to take hair home in.) I suppose Karter sensed this and decided to scream and flop around. The hairdresser looked at me helplessly and Mark and I admitted defeat. We packed up our stuff and headed out with the unlicked sucker and crying baby. No joke, as soon as we stepped out of there, he took the sucker and happily licked it all the way home (and by happily licked I mean he got it nice and gooey and then rubbed it everywhere.)
By the time we got home, I was deadset on cutting this child's hair. We strapped him into his high chair, gave him some cheese, got the clippers out and buzzed away. What's funny, is that I thought it would be so much more traumatic than it really was. I was fine. Completely fine. Sure, it made him look a little older, but he is getting older. I can't stop it, I just have to deal with it.
His first haircut may not have gone as I planned (I wanted it to be a big production), but I can not apply sunscreen to him without it getting stuck in his hair creating knots. What more could I ask for?
Wednesday, August 1, 2012
Just Like Dad
The day has finally come...Karter is lengthening the leash that binds us together and is now actively seeking out Mark as his playmate. It seems now that dad is the new cool and mom is old news. I have to admit, there is nothing more endearing than watching Karter and Mark create their own inside jokes that I am not allowed to take part in (seriously, why is it not as funny when I put that stupid star toy in my mouth during diaper changes??)
I feel like this weekend really solidified their bond. Karter spent the weekend 'picking weeds' (aka strawberry plants) and husking corn with Mark. As soon as I came over to join in the corn husking festivities, Karter wanted nothing to do with it and instead tried to eat the already husked corn. I'm trying not to take it personally. I don't mean to encourage gender stereotypes, but it's adorable to see them doing "boy" things together (but really, I'd be ok if they were doing cartwheels in the front yard instead.)
Last night, I was about to put Karter down for bed and Mark came home. Karter was so excited and felt the need to show off. As a result, he was up an hour later than expected, running from room to room getting into things he shouldn't (note to self: remove steak knife in my nightstand drawer that Karter now gets into-hey, you never know when someone is going to break in.) Anyway, it was adorable to see how Karter's face lit up as soon as he saw his 'dada'...it was like he received a second wind.
While I'm not too eager to lose my title of "coolest parent Karter has ever had", I won't lie, it's quite nice when Karter prefers his 20lb self to be carried by his dad instead of me.
I feel like this weekend really solidified their bond. Karter spent the weekend 'picking weeds' (aka strawberry plants) and husking corn with Mark. As soon as I came over to join in the corn husking festivities, Karter wanted nothing to do with it and instead tried to eat the already husked corn. I'm trying not to take it personally. I don't mean to encourage gender stereotypes, but it's adorable to see them doing "boy" things together (but really, I'd be ok if they were doing cartwheels in the front yard instead.)
Last night, I was about to put Karter down for bed and Mark came home. Karter was so excited and felt the need to show off. As a result, he was up an hour later than expected, running from room to room getting into things he shouldn't (note to self: remove steak knife in my nightstand drawer that Karter now gets into-hey, you never know when someone is going to break in.) Anyway, it was adorable to see how Karter's face lit up as soon as he saw his 'dada'...it was like he received a second wind.
While I'm not too eager to lose my title of "coolest parent Karter has ever had", I won't lie, it's quite nice when Karter prefers his 20lb self to be carried by his dad instead of me.
Wednesday, July 18, 2012
I'm So So Glad I'm Not...
A "new" mom anymore. Sure, things like potty training and starting Karter in school will be new to me, but I don't consider myself new to the mom job anymore. Thank freakin' goodness.
A couple weeks ago, I met with a woman who is pregnant with her first child to discuss her child care needs. As we talked, I realized how grateful I am that I am no longer in that position. Oh, I loved the joy and miracle of pregnancy and the anticipation of meeting my little sasquatch, but once he was here, it was a different story.
There was just this feeling of helplessness and aloneness (not a word, I know) I felt after Karter arrived. I remember getting into the car as we were leaving the hospital and feeling so sad (thank you postpartum hormones.) How could they trust me to send me home with my precious little boy? Why weren't any of the nurses going to come home with me to watch him while I slept??? At that moment in time, I felt like I was the only new mom in the world and that no one knew what I was going through.
The first few weeks at home were the same thing. I mean, nothing can prepare you for being a mom, despite what you think. I had worked with children for years and thought I could handle anything, but I was so wrong. Having a child that is your responsibility 24/7 is a totally different thing. I was terrified of making mistakes and permanently scarring my child.
I'm not saying I've totally got my mom act together now. There are still questions I don't know the answer to and days I want to pull my hair out (luckily so much of it fell out after baby that that really isn't an option), but for the most part, I feel like I've got this thing down. I feel competent in my abilities to be the best mom to Karter that I can be. I actually take him out in public by myself now, which is a small victory in and of itself.
While I'm so happy for my new mom to be friends, I don't envy them. Been there, done that, happy to have that first baby under my belt. I look forward to the birth of our next child, and coming home with the much more realistic expectation that sleep just isn't an option.
A couple weeks ago, I met with a woman who is pregnant with her first child to discuss her child care needs. As we talked, I realized how grateful I am that I am no longer in that position. Oh, I loved the joy and miracle of pregnancy and the anticipation of meeting my little sasquatch, but once he was here, it was a different story.
There was just this feeling of helplessness and aloneness (not a word, I know) I felt after Karter arrived. I remember getting into the car as we were leaving the hospital and feeling so sad (thank you postpartum hormones.) How could they trust me to send me home with my precious little boy? Why weren't any of the nurses going to come home with me to watch him while I slept??? At that moment in time, I felt like I was the only new mom in the world and that no one knew what I was going through.
The first few weeks at home were the same thing. I mean, nothing can prepare you for being a mom, despite what you think. I had worked with children for years and thought I could handle anything, but I was so wrong. Having a child that is your responsibility 24/7 is a totally different thing. I was terrified of making mistakes and permanently scarring my child.
I'm not saying I've totally got my mom act together now. There are still questions I don't know the answer to and days I want to pull my hair out (luckily so much of it fell out after baby that that really isn't an option), but for the most part, I feel like I've got this thing down. I feel competent in my abilities to be the best mom to Karter that I can be. I actually take him out in public by myself now, which is a small victory in and of itself.
While I'm so happy for my new mom to be friends, I don't envy them. Been there, done that, happy to have that first baby under my belt. I look forward to the birth of our next child, and coming home with the much more realistic expectation that sleep just isn't an option.
Friday, July 6, 2012
A Day in the Life
One day, when I have a houseful of my own kids running around, I may want to look back on the time when I had only one child to chase after. Or maybe Karter will ask me one day what he was like as a baby. If not for this post, I may have no idea as I will probably have gone crazy by then. So that I may be able to answer this question one day, I call this "A Day in the Life of Karter:"
3-5am: Karter is up throwing a party in his crib, because really, sleep is a waste of time. It was like no party I had ever attended, as it involved a lot of tears, rocking, and sighs.
6:40am: Up for the day, because who needs to make up for the missing 2 hours of sleep.
7:15am: Repairman shows up to finally fix the piece of roof that fell off during bad storm a week ago. I go to pay him and can't find the check book.
7:17am: I call Mark, blaming him for the missing check book. He sends me on a wild goose chase for the check book throughout the house.
7:20: I locate missing checkbook wedged between books on the bookshelf. Where Karter put it.
7:55: Karter and I go up to brush our teeth. While I brush, Karter crawls away with his toothbrush, brushing the floor that hasn't been cleaned in forever.
9:30am: Grammie shows up with frappes from McDonald's. Karter's mouth immediately starts moving up and down signaling he wants it and needs it.
9:45am: I take a shower. Grammie is only able to console Karter by feeding him large amounts of frappe. He refuses to drink from her cup and will only drink when given some from mine. They are the exact same drink.
11:45am: Lunch is served, and what an amazing array of food that is laid before him: snow peas from the garden, watermelon, baby food, bean and cheese tortilla, greek yogurt, and pita chips. The only thing he eats? Yogurt and pita chips.
12:30pm: Zerberts take a turn for the worse. They now involve teeth. Very sharp teeth. I scream, Karter continues. My thigh is now red in baby bites.
3:00pm: Karter throws a fit so that I will give him more puffs. And my phone. Karter then throws my phone on the floor and then removes the back. The phone is no longer in his possession.
4:54pm: Mark calls. I'm not sure who is more excited that he is coming home a few minutes early.
5:20pm: Mark gets home and is hungry. He opens a banana. Karter opens his mouth. Soon, most of the banana has been ingested by Karter.
6:00pm: It's bedtime. Praise the Lord. Though I love him dearly, bed time is a celebration in this house.
7:30pm: I stare longingly at the video monitor. I miss him when he looks so sweet sleeping. And then he moves....
3-5am: Karter is up throwing a party in his crib, because really, sleep is a waste of time. It was like no party I had ever attended, as it involved a lot of tears, rocking, and sighs.
6:40am: Up for the day, because who needs to make up for the missing 2 hours of sleep.
7:15am: Repairman shows up to finally fix the piece of roof that fell off during bad storm a week ago. I go to pay him and can't find the check book.
7:17am: I call Mark, blaming him for the missing check book. He sends me on a wild goose chase for the check book throughout the house.
7:20: I locate missing checkbook wedged between books on the bookshelf. Where Karter put it.
7:55: Karter and I go up to brush our teeth. While I brush, Karter crawls away with his toothbrush, brushing the floor that hasn't been cleaned in forever.
9:30am: Grammie shows up with frappes from McDonald's. Karter's mouth immediately starts moving up and down signaling he wants it and needs it.
9:45am: I take a shower. Grammie is only able to console Karter by feeding him large amounts of frappe. He refuses to drink from her cup and will only drink when given some from mine. They are the exact same drink.
11:45am: Lunch is served, and what an amazing array of food that is laid before him: snow peas from the garden, watermelon, baby food, bean and cheese tortilla, greek yogurt, and pita chips. The only thing he eats? Yogurt and pita chips.
12:30pm: Zerberts take a turn for the worse. They now involve teeth. Very sharp teeth. I scream, Karter continues. My thigh is now red in baby bites.
3:00pm: Karter throws a fit so that I will give him more puffs. And my phone. Karter then throws my phone on the floor and then removes the back. The phone is no longer in his possession.
4:54pm: Mark calls. I'm not sure who is more excited that he is coming home a few minutes early.
5:20pm: Mark gets home and is hungry. He opens a banana. Karter opens his mouth. Soon, most of the banana has been ingested by Karter.
6:00pm: It's bedtime. Praise the Lord. Though I love him dearly, bed time is a celebration in this house.
7:30pm: I stare longingly at the video monitor. I miss him when he looks so sweet sleeping. And then he moves....
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