So I don't know if you've heard, but I'm in love. Head over heals, melts my heart, would do anything for him kind of love. I loved Mark with all my heart, but loving my child is a different kind of love. It's unconditional and there is nothing that Karter can do to lose my love. He can pull my hair out, poop while I'm changing his diaper and outfit because he's just peed everywhere, and refuse to sleep in his crib for his second nap of the day and only on me and I will still love him. And yes, that all happened today.
Each night before we go to bed, Mark and I talk. I enjoy this time as we just lay in bed and unwind for the day. I find myself talking about Karter and what he's done that day and how I fell more in love with him. It warms my heart when I hear Mark talk about how much he loves him as well.
It's so cliche, but it's amazing how much my heart grew the moment I held him in my arms. I mean, I loved him when he was in my belly, but I always feared growing too close to him because I was afraid something would go wrong (which it almost did!) Once I could hold him in my arms, I knew he was real and I knew he was mine.
Having Karter has given me such insight into God's love for us. While I would have said before having Karter I knew what unconditional love was, it wasn't until he rested his tiny little head on my shoulder that I knew what that love was like. It's amazing to serve a God that loves us that much and more.
Whether you are a mother through blood or adoption, you know this kind of love I am talking about. It's amazing, overpowering and scary all at the same time. I can't even imagine now what life was like before this little red headed, strong willed baby entered my life. All I can say is that it will never be the same again...and for that I am thankful.
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