Mom vs. the Crib

There is no denying that having a child, whether by birth or other means, creates such a surge of love in you that it feels like it's gushing out your eyeballs.  There are days that I wonder if Karter's cheeks are a rosy pink because I have kissed them raw (have you seen his cheeks...how could you not kiss them??!!)  I love him so much and would do anything to bring him only joy and happiness in life.

So the last two nights, Mark and I decided that Karter should move into his crib in his own room to see if that will help him sleep better.  Now I have to say, I was totally against this.  I would have been perfectly content to have him sleep next to me in his co sleeper for the next 5 years. I hate to be apart from him, even if we are both sleeping.  But...after a few nights of Karter screaming and fighting sleep, I decided it was best to try it.  Unfortunately Fortunately, it's working. My baby boy is growing up, becoming independent, and not needing me as much anymore.

Last night, as I went in to soothe him when he was crying, I just looked at him, so tiny in that big crib, and just wanted to crawl in there with him and wrap my arms around him and protect him from everything bad in this world.  It breaks my heart that as he grows, he is one step closer to being on his own facing the world.  I never want him to experience heartache, be subjected to bad people, or to feel less than the amazing boy he is.  I'm finding, even at 3 months, that it's hard to let your children grow and go. 

I know it's just a crib, but I feel like it's the first major step in Karter becoming his own person, and I selfishly want him to want to stay cuddled in my arms forever...or at least the next couple years.  There's a good chance that I am suffering from more separation anxiety than Karter!  I know it's healthy for his development to learn independence and self sufficiency...but there's a good chance that when I'm finished writing this post, I'm going to go check the weight limit for his crib.  Just in case. 

So frightening

Maybe it's just me and my watched-too-many-48-hours-mystery self, but sometimes Karter freaks me out.  It usually happens when I am changing his diaper.  We'll be "talking" and he'll be smiling and then all of a sudden he looks beyond me and fixes his eyes on something...and I'm usually 99% sure it is a killer.  I mean, he gets this serious look on his face like he is looking at something, or someone, and it makes my blood pressure shoot through the roof.  I turn around slowly and am always surprised when there is no one there.  I don't know what makes him do this, and I wish I could make it stop.  Until then, I suppose I am just going to carry a knife around with me on the off chance that Karter does spot a killer before I do.


Does anyone else have a baby that does this??

So much to be thankful for

As I reflect back upon the last year, I realize just how blessed I really am.  Last year at this time, I was wondering if I would ever have my own baby to spend the holidays with.  Little did I know, that a little baby was either created or growing while I ate my turkey (ok, so he probably wasn't actually created while I was in the process of eating my turkey.)  I feel so blessed to get to be the mother of Karter and that God entrusted such a beautiful and sweet bundle of joy to me.  I know I was blessed before Karter came into the picture, and that feeling blessed isn't just based upon receiving what you want, but I can't help but feel extra thankful this year.  From start to finish, he has been a little miracle. 

So Happy Thanksgiving to all and for all those who are in the position I was in last year this year, I hope and pray that next year you will have a little turkey (baby) to spend the holidays with!