Uterus Frustrations

So here's the thing, Mark and decided in September that we were going to actively try for another baby.  It's November and I am already discouraged.  I mean, realistically, did I really think it would happen in the first two months of trying?  No.  Kind of realistically, did I already have my grand reveal plan for the Christmas family gatherings?  Yes. 

I guess what I dread most is that it will take as long as it took with Karter to get pregnant.  That was a lot of negative pregnancy tests, a lot of doctors appointments and a LOT of blood drawn.  I'm hoping to not have to do all of that this time because I was really getting too friendly with the lab techs at CompuNet.

I ultimately know that God's timing is much wiser and grander than my own.  While I think I NEED a baby now, God's probably like: "Hey girl, remember all those sleepless nights you whined about before?  Enjoy these 11.5 hrs of peace and quiet now while you can."  I know, looking back, that even though I wanted Karter after one month of trying, God knew exactly when to send him to us.  So, while technically I'm being impatient, I know God's got this and I'm ok with that (but it would be totally awesome if He could just tell me when I'll get pregnant so I don't get my hopes up each month.)

Hopefully, I will soon be posting a picture letting the facebook world know that there is a baby in my belly (seriously, I have the greatest idea ever and I didn't even Pinterest it.)  Until then, I am gladly taking donations of pregnancy tests because I don't think Mark will allow me to buy anymore (so I might be kind of obsessed...)

Who's in Control?

Obviously not me.  We joke that Karter rules this house and it's basically true.  Sure, he has boundaries and I tell him "no" several times a day (whether he listens is entirely different) but when it comes down to it, if something isn't going to cause harm or years of therapy, I'll give in.

Last night, for example, the little prince was in full force.  Mark was out of town, so Karter decided that he would keep me busy. After scarfing down a big meal, he got out of his chair and stood at the pantry and whined.  Now, sometimes I worry he is not getting enough to eat (I know that's comical  when you look at his belly...and he does always have a bowl of food in his hand), but last night I knew that wasn't the case and I knew what he wanted. Goldfish.  I have been trying to hide from him the knowledge of this snack, but Grammie brought him some this weekend.  Ever since, he's been standing at the pantry several times a day whining for them.

I decided to give in last night.  I mean, what's a few goldfish before bedtime?  I got him a handful and asked if he wanted to eat them on the couch and he politely agreed.  Once on the couch, the little prince decided he needed to be covered up.  He grunted and pointed until I covered him up with a blanket.  It was like I was living a freaking "If you give a mouse a cookie" book.  As he was laying there cozy underneath the blanket as I handed him goldfish, he demanded that I turn on the tv (though he doesn't watch it, he just likes to know he can make me turn it on.)  So there I was, sitting next to my 1 year old, who was cuddled under MY blanket on the couch, being his human snack bowl with my hand filled with goldfish...and it was there that I was reminded that my life will never be the same.  My priorities, everything, has changed. In the best way possible.  Evenings like this are how I want to spend my evenings. Even if it means, I'm being bossed around by a 1 year old.