Yesterday, I was lamenting to Mark about my hatred for my reproductive system and was seriously considering firing my ovaries or my uterus, or whatever it is that doesn't make babies as quickly as I want it to. You could say that Mark is the more reasonable and logical one in the relationship and he didn't really see that as an effective reaction. Mark doesn't let his disappointment over not getting pregnant right away show and his reaction is to say "I didn't pray enough for it this month. I have to do better next month." I appreciate this and the fact that he verbalizes what I think but don't necessarily say.
So anyway, we were standing in the kitchen yesterday discussing this and Mark said to me "Megan, the best things are worth the wait. We had to wait for Karter and he brings me so much joy." Those words melted my heart. As I looked over at my baby boy dragging around my clean rolling pin on my very dirty floors, I knew what Mark said was true. My heart overflows with joy every time I look at him (even though my current view of him is on the video monitor refusing his nap for the second time in two days.) I could not picture a more perfect boy for us nor could I imagine loving something as much as I love him.
I may not understand God's timing or want it to be that way in the moment, but looking back I always recognize that it is for my own good that God works the way He does. I may never get to be pregnant again (ok, that's a little Debbie Downerish after only 4 months) but I have a little man that brings me so much joy already and that's enough for me.
We got pregnant the second time by surprise. It was not in God's timing though, because I miscarried at 7 weeks. The next 6 months of trying unsuccessfully to get pregnant, again, were agonizing. You think once you do it the first time the subsequent times will be easy too. Not always so. I was devestated to have lost our second pregnancy, but looking at my sweet little girl now I know we wouldn't have her if we had had baby #2. God knows what He's doing. It's so very hard to wait for Him sometimes. Relax. Have a glass of wine...or three. It will happen when you least expect it! ;)
ReplyDeleteI wish I was good at not thinking about it! I am sorry to hear of what you went through, but I am glad to hear that you can see God's hand in it all!
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