I remember when my biggest worry going to bed at night was where Mark and I would go out to eat that weekend. After five minutes of contemplating that, I could usually fall asleep pretty easily (when I wasn't thinking about giving birth or epidurals!) Now that Karter is here, it's a whole different story. It's like as soon as he was
pushed out of the womb pulled out of the womb, my mind was filled with a million different thoughts. I've had help all week with Karter so that I could catch up on some needed sleep, but as soon as my head hits the pillow, the last thing on my mind is sleep. I'm pretty jealous of Mark, who falls asleep as his head is making the descent into his pillow (must be nice being a male!) Here's just a few examples of the absurd thoughts/worries that keep me from sleeping:
1. Where will Karter live when he gets older? Will he live far away? Will he care if I move to be close to him?
2. When should I enroll him in swimming lessons? Should we get a family pass to the pool?
3. Is he going to be bullied in school?
4. Will he feel abandoned when I go back to work? How will I be able to leave him throughout the day?
5. Have I earned his trust as a parent? Am I responding correctly to his needs?
I know, as I lay there that these are ridiculous thoughts and that many of these things I have no control over. I think Karter's entry into this world was another gentle reminder that I am not in charge but God is...but that still doesn't help relieve my mind of these thoughts. Oh well, I guess this is motherhood...who needs sleep anyway!
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