A "new" mom anymore. Sure, things like potty training and starting Karter in school will be new to me, but I don't consider myself new to the mom job anymore. Thank freakin' goodness.
A couple weeks ago, I met with a woman who is pregnant with her first child to discuss her child care needs. As we talked, I realized how grateful I am that I am no longer in that position. Oh, I loved the joy and miracle of pregnancy and the anticipation of meeting my little sasquatch, but once he was here, it was a different story.
There was just this feeling of helplessness and aloneness (not a word, I know) I felt after Karter arrived. I remember getting into the car as we were leaving the hospital and feeling so sad (thank you postpartum hormones.) How could they trust me to send me home with my precious little boy? Why weren't any of the nurses going to come home with me to watch him while I slept??? At that moment in time, I felt like I was the only new mom in the world and that no one knew what I was going through.
The first few weeks at home were the same thing. I mean, nothing can prepare you for being a mom, despite what you think. I had worked with children for years and thought I could handle anything, but I was so wrong. Having a child that is your responsibility 24/7 is a totally different thing. I was terrified of making mistakes and permanently scarring my child.
I'm not saying I've totally got my mom act together now. There are still questions I don't know the answer to and days I want to pull my hair out (luckily so much of it fell out after baby that that really isn't an option), but for the most part, I feel like I've got this thing down. I feel competent in my abilities to be the best mom to Karter that I can be. I actually take him out in public by myself now, which is a small victory in and of itself.
While I'm so happy for my new mom to be friends, I don't envy them. Been there, done that, happy to have that first baby under my belt. I look forward to the birth of our next child, and coming home with the much more realistic expectation that sleep just isn't an option.
No matter how many times someone can tell you it will get better, while you're in it, it doesn't feel like it. Thank goodness we can look back and reflect. We're thankful you are taking him out too because we were afraid he would be 12 before you would take him out!
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