Pity Party for One

Please tell me I'm not the only one who has ever felt like throwing themselves a pity party.  I mean, I even thought about going out to buy some decorations, but decided not to.   I realize it isn't productive at all, but sometimes it makes me feel better to be sad about something and then get over it.  There is always someone worse off than me and I know that I am beyond blessed.  But, just humor me for a moment, and let me have my party.  And yes, I'll cry if I want to.

Sometimes I wonder what it's like...

To get pregnant without trying or easily.  What is it like to not go through almost a years worth of months of pregnancy tests seeing only a negative?  It seemed like others could get pregnant without any effort at all, while Mark and put 'work' into it without seeing any results most of the time.

To get to cave into your pregnancy cravings.  I know I shouldn't complain about gestational diabetes, because some people have this everyday of their life.  Checking my blood sugar four times daily and modifying my diet during pregnancy was not what I had in mind.  What I had in mind was sending Mark out to get me late night cravings and eating ice cream everyday. Now that I think of it, it was probably a blessing for me (and for Mark!)

To have a 'normal' child birthing experience and not rushed in for an emergency c-section because the placenta has decided to abrupt.  Instead of hearing the word "push" I heard the words "can you feel the lower half of your body" before they made the incision.

To have a baby that likes to sleep.  Really, I shouldn't be surprised by this as I could tell this was Karter's personality in the womb.  But really, I wonder what's like to have a baby whose longest span of sleep is more than 2 hours. 

To get through breastfeeding without getting mastitis.  If I had to rank the most painful things I've been through, it would be 1.) Kidney Stones, 2.) Mastitis, and 3.) C-section.  It seems silly for my body to be punished for providing the best nutrition for my baby.

But then, I wonder...

What it would be like not to have a baby at all, and all these things are so worth it.  I wouldn't trade Karter for 9 months worth of Cherry Cordial ice cream, for a normal child birth, or for a boob that doesn't throb.  He's totally worth all this and more.  When I look at his precious little face, well, that pity party is over.