Don't get me wrong, I love my baby boy. I love the way he smiles in his sleep, the way his little fingers wrap around mine, and the way he bobs his head up and down when laying on my chest, among many other things. But at 2am when he won't go to sleep and I am exhausted, it's hard for me to remember all those things. I mean, I still rock him and kiss him and tell him I love him, but that doesn't mean I'm not frustrated. Then the feelings of guilt take over...how could I get frustrated with this blessing that God has given me?
I feel obliged to love being a mother 24/7 because I wanted it so bad. I didn't get pregnant on accident...it was due to lots of prayer and months of hard work (not so much on Mark's part:) So I feel that since I really wanted to be a mother and desperately asked God for a baby that I should love it at all times and am not allowed those times of frustrations. I don't want God to think that I am not grateful for the blessing he has given Mark and I, because I truly am. I look at Karter's precious little face and I am constantly reminded of the miracle he is...but being a mom is exhausting, frustrating, wonderful, stressful, rewarding, and a joy all at the same time. I'm sure that many other mom's feel these moments of frustration and me feeling guilty about it only makes it worse. Sometimes I wonder if Mary ever got frustrated with Jesus when He was a baby. Did Jesus ever keep Mary up all night long or cry for no real reason?
Hopefully, I'm not alone and you other moms out there can relate!
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